We spent the day with Papaw today. First thing this morning the kids and I went to the hospital to see him. I was scared to death. I told them Papaw was very sick and he needed lots of hugs and kisses. They were both amazing! Papaw was more alert than I thought he would be. Both kids didn't shy to giving him kisses on his forehead and telling him how much they loved him. They both told him stories of playing in the snow with J and that they were going to color him pictures at school tomorrow so he'd feel better.
Lil man loved me holding him up so he could see Papaw and Papaw did too. Then it hit! Lil man (bless his heart) looked at me and said "My Papaws Dying!" Tears instantly filled my eyes and I told him yes he is. My amazing little boy hugged my neck and said it's ok Mommy he's going to heaven.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop the tears and I looked to see Papaw's eyes filling up too! As I looked across the room my Mom was also red eyed and crying as well. This sweet little boy is wise beyond his precious years.
We didn't stay at the hospital long for Papaw was in pain. He was shortly being transported to Hospice and we'd meet him there. So we loaded up in the van and set out for Mamaw's. On the way were a bunch of questions. "Will he get better? Does he know we love him? Will Papaw like a picture with paint or crayons?" All of which I answered truthfully and through tear filled eyes. are they too young for all this.
Then my own questions began. Where's he being buried at? Is he going to have a flag on his coffin? Have they arranged for a proper burial for a Veteran or just for a family member? Who gets his Army stuff that built my memories of him so fondly?
Mamaw's wasn't any easier. Her dementia has such control over her she doesn't know what to think or feel and when she does, five minutes later she's reset. We ate and lined some things up, my sister, Aunt and I then I packed the kids and Mamaw into the van and headed for Hospice. *Of course AFTER I collected a couple of his Army books to at least set up some memory of them before returning them to where I found them. Funny though of all the family, I'm the only one that knew where they were kept. Of course I pointed that out to my Mom too!*
Hospice was nice. Quiet and comfy but death lurked in that place. Papaw slept the whole time we were there. His pain meds have been increased and all IV's have now been ceased. He has a special bed coming soon because of a real bad bed sore seems no one knew about. The nurses were so nice. They even gave the kids bags with toys and coloring books, crayons and candy in them. Anything to make this easier. At least he seemed in peace and not in pain like he was at the hospital!
Here's my dilemma that I went round with my mom about earlier. J and I discussed this and I feel we are the ones to make this decision. I feel BOTH kids are way too young for the viewing and funeral. My first funeral still haunts me to this day. Mom thinks they HAVE to be there. I want the time to deal with my emotions and say goodbye to my Papaw. I don't want the kids seeing Mommy crying anymore than they already have. They are too little to understand and I don't want them being afraid. Maybe I'm being selfish?
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2 comments:
I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer. You know at first, I said "No. Don't take them." But now, they've seen him sick and in pain. Perhaps, they should go and see him peaceful and not hurting and maybe they will understand he will be in a better place.
P.S. That comment was very hard to write. Just sayin. Love you and the kids to the moon and back.
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