Circle Of Life

So the last post I wrote was meant as a way for me to remember my Papaw and as a letter for him. I was going to read it to him when I went to visit him Monday in Hospice. Monday morning I received a call from my Mom at 6am. Hospice contacted her that family needed to come say their Goodbyes, Death was eminent. I threw on clothes, emailed work I wouldn't be in and started gathering the kids through tear filled eyes and a very scared heart. Not but a half hour and she called back. Papaw had passed.

I continued to get the kids up and ready and off to daycare. I needed to be there with him and they were too young to be there. I explained to them that Papaw was gone. They were full of question, sad but such troopers. I'm glad they don't grasp the pain Mommy was feeling. I did all I could not to cry in front of them but I did. On the way to daycare lil man asked me if I was sad. I told him yes. The sweet lil man I'm proudly raising told me, "Mommy don't be sad! There's candy in Heaven."

We finished our ride through Mommy holding back the flood.

These past couple days have been a complete wash with me. I've grieved and grieved hard. I was mad at myself for not being there more. I've cried and been so very angry. I've remembered and reminisced. I've bummed out and blown up.

Tonight I've started slowly pulling it back together. It's sad our time is over. I remembered the good times we had. The fun. The smiles. All my precious memories and even some I'd temporarily forgotten. In all those memories and all the tears and through all that I remembered my greatest memories of all.

Family! I remember my cousins before we all started growing up. My Uncles and Aunts before we started being Adults. I remembered when we were still their little Nieces and Nephews and their children. Somewhere along the line we all lost the closeness and fun we had as kids and we became the parents to the ones creating the memories that now rush through me. I miss being little and I miss being Papaws Girl!

I see just how much this very man shaped my life. He taught me my honesty. He was a man I could never lie to. If ever I tried he saw right through it. He taught me I wasn't always going to do the right thing but when I make a mistake learn from it. Always apologize and always hold your head high!

He always brought smiles to peoples faces and knew someone everywhere we would go. Whether it be the candy shop where he bought the molds for all the candy and cakes he and Mamaw made, going out to eat at Ponderosa or Big Boy or Red Lobster, the post office, the grocery from the man in produce to the Pharmacist to the cashier, that farm we would go to when we got eggs with double yolks or anywhere he knew someone and they always held a conversation with him. They always looked forward to see him. He remembered everyones birthday or anniversaries or Graduations.

He taught me to fish, sing, dance, cook, grow roses, fish, play baseball, paint, wash and wax a car, skip a stone, play tic tac toe and jacks...he taught me how to be a kid. Showed me how to be happy. Taught me to respect and do for others. And never to give up!

I realized at his viewing that he did share a lot with me. Our coffee and donuts and war stories was something special between us. I admired him all these years as a veteran, a family man, a friend to all and my best friend growing up. He's the one that taught me that if it was something I wanted and I didn't give up on that dream I would have it.

I know we all have our memories of him and we all share some of the same ones. We all knew and loved the same man. Papaw was like a father figure to me. I've realized the very things he gave me that live on in me. He grew my love for roses, started my love for fishing and baseball, my ability to cook, my desire to change the world one smile at a time, my stubbornness, that good deeds do come full circle and what keeps me going today...my pride and respect for the military. To me and I hope to all; he is the definition of a true American Hero. He loved and fought for his country, his family and his life. He worked hard for what he had and was a stubborn and very loveable man.

Tomorrow we lay his body in the ground and keep his memories alive. Not only in thought but also in the way we live our lives.

He is Missed and Loved beyond his ALMOST 91 years!

Papaw

February 26, 1917 ~ February 2, 2009

May You Rest In Peace